After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
