they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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