just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
