I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
