Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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