don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
