how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
