i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
