goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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