yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
how does that bad decision feel?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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