i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
