u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize