He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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