If i come over, it means nothing
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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