some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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