how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
