just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
