if only i could text you this smell
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
