either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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