i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
