i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
