Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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