I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This show inspires me to have sex in space
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
