I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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