I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
