i think my mom watched the whole time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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