Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
