You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
