I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
