i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize