I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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