dude i'm inner monologue high
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
