Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
