the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize