He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
