tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
