I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
