Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize