so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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