the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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