Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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