DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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