There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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