Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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