hell yes lets make some ravioli
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
