it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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