I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize