at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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