i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
