I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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