Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
