Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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