Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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