Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found your dick twin last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
