I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
