Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
