drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
