Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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