just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
