I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
