2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
