last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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