So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
