idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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