hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
