3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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