someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
