We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
