Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
