I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
