we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I checked into jail on foursquare
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
